Bane of my existence

So I recently got an Iphone. Hurray, right? Wrong. It is useful and I love it but like all good things it comes with a catch. The dreaded autocorrect. Iphones have a built in dictionary and word correction software that checks your spelling and changes your words accordingly. I don't know all the details behind it but it is annoying. On more than one occasion it have autocorrected "K" to "Klingon." What.

String me up with a wireless reciever

You know what I find quite annoying. Everyone who finds it annoying that the Public wireless network is so slow when they in fact are the key problem. Well, indirectly. When a person connects their phone to the public network here at the High School it saves that connection as the place to connect the next time they come in. It happens automatically. The only way for it to not to happen is to go into your settings and tell it not to do that. So there are, as I'm told, roughly 800 students who attend this school. I;d say that at least 500 hundred of them have phone that connect to the wireless Internet. That is why it is so slow. Futile to explain because it doesn't sink in. That's my rant for the day. Have a wonderful rest of your day.

Miseries of the flamboyant phlegm throat.

Being sick for three days really has a way of putting things into perspective. I am a 5th year senior and as such I am going through the motions of attending classes and graduating. Having eight classes this year as every year I find that any other year, if I was sick for more than a day, I'd be panicking and sending out texts to find out what my class had done that day. This year that isn't the case. I have four art classes. If you miss an art class there is no worrying. You just come in and work a little harder on your project so you do not fall behind. I then have a Library Aide position. Missing that class has absolutely no ill effects. The only way for it to be detrimental in any way would be to miss quite a bit of that class. Say, a month. I then have an English Tutor position. Honestly missing one of these classes gives me a slight amount of grief seeing as the teacher need her aides to be doing tasks that improve his or her class session. This also might be attributed to that I believe that English is my best subject and that I frankly love it. Another of my classes is my Comp class. It actually is Composition in the Digital age but who has time to say that in full all the time so I just call it my Comp class. It may not be exactly extremely easy but it is not in fact monumentally hard either. I truly like it. Not because of the discussions we get into in the class but the fact that it is English at its finest. Freedom. We have the freedom to write whatever we want and post it for the world to see. Finally all that is left is my Anatomy class and that class seems to be a breeze. I have a wonderful teacher and the material sticks with me and... yeah. Enough of this ranting. Moral of this story: daytime television is evil.

Continuation

So this post is going to be a continuation of my last post. Revamping the story so that it is not so chaotic and is a little more structured. The same rules apply as before. No Backspace and no going back. Time to take the plunge into Oblivion.

     As Elize laid on the back counter she felt a feeling of fullness. Not because she had just consumed an entire human being but because she was content with her life. She looked up at the class around her and found herself being stared at by the population of her homeroom. They all appeared horrified. Had they actually seen her devour Bonlaquecha? Why wasn't her glaze working on them. Being completely perplexed all she could let out was a *slightly* menacing burp. The class erupted in screams of terror as they all rushed out the door leaving Elize by her lonesome. "This is not good," Elize thought. "I better get out of here before..." Just then the fire alarm went off. Shrieking bells deafened all other sound as Elize sprang to her feet. "How am I going to get out of here?" At this point in time Elize reasoned that she was in fact a Dragon and could just bust through the wall, and that is exactly what she did. As Elize tore through the plasture and rebar that made up the wall she found herself terrified at the thought of what might be lurking on the other side. Breaking through to the other side she found herself on the back end of the school. All was quiet if you didn't count the alarm going off. Running down the street she realized she had nowhere to go. The school knew where she lived and would probably be sending the cops there when they found out that she had left without signing out of the office. An epiphany struck her as she past a Taco Bell. Draco. The dragon that she had met at that party last month. She remembered thinking that that is the most cliche name for a dragon but at this point she didn't care. Getting into high gear she sprinted off towards Draco house. The only thought on her mind being how did she know where he lived.

As Elize reached Draco's house she suddenly regretted coming here. He had pink flamingos in his front yard. They would know that she was here. Everyone knew that plastic flamingos were a dragons favorite thing, like, ever. She shrugged off the idea and knocked on the door. Moments went by. No response. A few moments more. Nothing. Screw it. She opened the door and entered.

To be continued

So how was that. Still completely random but I like it. What did you think of it? Leave me a comment.

Backspace frustration

     So I find when I am writing that my backspace key gets a workout. Not your average, oh I'll just run on the treadmill for a little while and maybe do some push ups. No. More like I'm gonna run 10 miles while learning to play the tuba. If you have never played the tuba then you probably will not understand. Shame, but that isn't the point. I go back when I'm writing and change so many things and usually when the final product come out it isn't what I intended. So this post is going to go away from all that. I'm going to write a free hand story. Forbidding myself from using the backspace. No going back and changing anything. This also means that I might make a few grammatical mistakes that I can't fix. Enjoy.

     There once was a girl. Her name was Elize and she was the youngest child in her family. Elize's family knew that she was special, but no one could have imagined that she was really a dragon. When Elize was born, out of the fires of mount likatralaba (pronounced Like-a-tra-la-ba) her parents knew that she wasn't human. They knew she was a dragon but they didn't care. They didn't discriminate against dragons. Dragons are people too; or rather they can pretend to be. Elize's skin was jet black. Her ears were pointed at the end and she smelled of coconut. With her reptilian eyes she could charm anyone into believing anything. Mostly she just made people believe that she was a normal all American teenage girl though. This is Elize's story. As Elize walked into school thta day she felt as if something was amiss. The air tasted like the way that you feel after you get a D on your math test. Yeah, just like that. She walked into her homeroom class and put her homework, only slightly charred this time, into the bin on her teachers desk and then proceeded to take her seat. Her seat was more of her reclining on the back counter but thanks to her fabulous dragon eyes no one noticed. As Elize chewed on her notebook her best friend, Bonlaquecha (pronounced Bon-la-qwee-sha) strode up and began crying and sobbing. Elize never understood human emotion. Mostly because she was a dragon and couldn't understand English though. Bonlaquecha was going on about her losing her favorite lip gloss on the bus this morning when she was trying to stealthily dodge a hot dog vendor who was out just a little to early and for some reason was on the bus?? Elize knew some english but only enough to understand how to ask how to go to bathroom and how to order Chinese food. All she understood from Bonlaquecha's blabbering was that she, quote, "I... want... to... go... get... low....main..." Elize, an avid chinese food lover eagerly accepted and then she ate Bonlaquecha. Did I mention that Bonlaquecha was chinese?

The End

    So I have no idea how that turned out. I kind of like it because I love randomness but I don't know how it went. Tell me what you thought.

Pigasus For President!!!

       While scanning the internet for information on this upcoming Presidential election I came across an odd Wikipedia article that told of the grand Presidential nominee, in August of 1968, of Pigasus. I do not know the complete history of Pigasus but here is the wiki page that I found. If you have a moment and want to read something in history that is kinda outlandish then maybe this is for you. If not maybe you'll enjoy this picture of a rainbow narwhal that has a floating piece of pizza.

Souvenirs for the damned

           So humor me. What if one day you are walking down a trail through the woods. Singing songs to yourself and generally having a good time when you break through the tree line and  come upon a lake. Pristine, cool, and crystal clear. You are mesmerized by the sight of this natural water feature when you notice that there is a small black aquatic something or another moving along under the surface. You start getting an idea as to what it may be. A fish? Possibly. A otter. Maybe. A shark? What are you smoking? You creep closer to the lake and you begin to make out what this mysterious mystery is. You do not believe your eyes. It is an eyeball. roughly the size of a softball......... But it has fins. You then wake up in your bed, completely perplexed. As you look up at the stars above you wonder, "where the hell is my ceiling?"

Random quotes

My friend just bombarded me with these sayings. Enjoy.

"Sending dogs to space is extra mean 'cause dogs hate vacuums."

"Didgeridoo or didgeridon't, there is no didgeritry."

"Dove soap barely tastes like doves."

"Remember, anyone can pretend to be a babysitter.

Even sharks."

 

"Hermit crabs are cool 'cause they can use soda cans as shells which makes it look like Nascar but interesting."

 

"If you ever feel down, remember that your skull is always smiling. That way, you'll just feel creeped out."

 

"Everyone always calls 911 the moment they have a problem, but who's there to listen to 911's problems?"

 

"When the moon hits your eye
You're definitely gonna die
That thing is huge" 

           So as a class at my High School I get to aide in the school library. So one day while sitting at the front desk of the library, minding my own business and checking in books, I hear the front door open and in walks who I believe to be a freshman. He looks pretty perplexed as he scans the room clearly looking for something or someone and as he walks up to me and i'm about to ask, "Can I help you with something?" He blurts out, "Where are the books?" He said it while drawing out the s in books. I was pretty floored by his question but being the kind nature person I am I couldn't just tell him, "Ummm, what?" So instead I asked him, "What was that?" I truly believed that I had misheard him. I couldn't fathom that he truly did not know where the vast collection of books on obvious shelves were in the library. Directly behind him. In plain sight. He then repeated very clearly, "Where are the books?" At this point I was thinking of the possibilities that could be going on here. He could be younger than he actually looked. or maybe what people insinuated about freshman was true. I told him straight out that the books were behind him on the shelves. After letting out a long, "Ooooooooooooooh," as he turned to the books and walked down the aisle of books. Other ideas came to mind just as to what caused him not to notice the books. Maybe he was a teachers son visiting for the day. Maybe he was just messing with me. what if he just truly couldn't find the books... He never came back to check out the book that he found and he never passed me on the way out of our library. I still wonder to this day just what the hell happened.

First post, First play

Interior Decorating of the Mind;

or, The Drapes of Wrath

(Stage light dimly. Jason standing in the middle. A table and two chairs sits to his right, a  fireplace to his left, and a closed door behind him.)

Jason

Where the hell am I? Mark! Doc! Hello!! Anyone! (A knock comes from the door. Jason walks towards the door.) Well isn’t this Twilight Zoney. (Jason turns the knob and standing there is a man dressed all in black.)

Jason

Hello. Can you tell me where I am?

Damien

You are just where you need to be.

Jason

No, really. Am I like on candid camera? (Jason waves towards nowhere.) Hi Mom!

Damien

Well actually no. This is just a place where we can meet, unseen by He who is always watching.

Jason

Santa Claus?

Damien

What? No. That isn’t important right now. What is important is that you find your way out of the chasm of dread before the hounds of Hell catch you. You have a rope, a rock, and a branch. How do you survive the apocalypse with these resources?

Jason

Oh, My God! WHAT!!

Damien

Oh, don’t bring Him into this. Backstabbing, good for nothing... No I'm just pulling your leg. You’re perfectly safe here. For now. So I have a question for you, Jason.

Jason

Wait, how do you know my name?

Damien

Nevermind about that! You need to listen. We don’t have a lot of time.

Jason

Alright, shoot.

Damien

BANG. Just a bit of dark humor. So, about your life, Jason.

Jason

Well it has seemed to be going just fine until now.

Damien

Splendid! Wait, one second. (Turns to the door) What is this?! I ordered the chaise in burnt sienna, NOT salmon!! Do I have to do everything! And where is the mahogany credenza I ordered? (Looks back at Jason.) Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back. (Damien Storms off stage.)

(Enter Kosmo.)

Kosmo

Wow, he picked that color for the chaise? Always was a bit dark. (Looks at Jason) Oh, hello.

Jason

Hi. Wait, do I know you from somewhere?

Kosmo

Probably. I do get around.

Jason

Right? But, where? Did you go to Holy Cross High School?

Kosmo

No, I didn’t actually, but I saw when you won 1st place in the Science fair.

Jason

Wait, how the hell do you know that?

Kosmo

I was there, Jason.

Jason

Were you a teacher there?

Kosmo

Well no, not exactly. I was (looks around) Wow, he really went with this color for the walls?

Jason

I don’t know, I kind of like the color.

Kosmo

Oh, well. So Jason, let me ask you a question. Are you ready for your future and what you have to do?

Jason

I suppose... I’m not really sure what I want to do yet.

Kosmo

Well when the time comes I’m sure that you will pick the right path. You have your materials, right?

Jason

Yeah, I graduated top of my class.

Kosmo

Well it’s going to take more than knowledge to survive, Jason.

Jason

Yeah about that, I never found out exactly why I’m....(gets cut off by Kosmo)

Kosmo

(looks away) He took down my beautiful drapes! OH you should have seen them. When the sun hit them just right in the morning, just like fire. Brilliant. He might just as well change the landscaping, too... use the same bulldozer that he ran right through my heart!

Damien

(from off stage Damien yells) JUST LIKE YOU PUT MY FEELINGS THROUGH A WOODCHIPPER!

Jason

Umm (pause), sorry about that, should I leave you two alone?

(Stage set up in two parts. Stage split down the center. Mark, Dentist, and Jason stage right, Damien and Kosmo stage left. Alternating Lights.)

Kosmo

(wipes his eyes) No, no. That is quite all right. (looks at watch, still visibly emotionally distraught) Oh, would you look at the time. Better get you back so you can get started. Any questions? I didn’t think so. Okay. Don’t mess this up, they’re all counting on you.

Jason

Wait! I know who you are. (Fade to black)

(lights up stage right. Mark and the Dentist stand looking over Jason who is sitting in a dentist chair.)

Mark

I think he’s waking up. Hey dude! Wake UP!

Dentist

So you need to remember that he might be a little loopy after he wakes up. That should last for about an hour. He is also going to need to make a follow up appointment to check the area surrounding the root canal. Make sure that the nerve has been thoroughly removed.

Mark

All right. Thanks, Doc. You might want to take a step back when he wakes up. You wouldn’t believe what it took to get him here. Oh, that reminds me. I need to get some more duct tape on the way home.(Lights fade stage right, light raise stage left.)

Kosmo

I cannot believe that you didn’t tell him!

Damien

Tell him what?

Kosmo

Well, this is going to get interesting.

Damien

I’ll get the popcorn. (lights dim stage left, lights raise stage right)

Dentist

The gum tissue take will take a few weeks to heal, and complete healing of the bone can take several months.

Mark

Sounds good. Our insurance should cover most of this.

Dentist

So there are just a few more papers that I need you to sign real quick. Uhm, by the way, it seems that your credit card was declined

Mark

WHAT DO YOU MEAN our credit card was declined! It must have been that shopping spree. I TOLD him that we didn’t need that hand engraved chestnut armoire with the beveled glass panels. Even though it was simply fabulous. When the sun hit it just right, bellissimo. Like a choir of angels. (Lights dim stage left, lights raise stage left)

Damien

Oh, it’s not that bad.

Kosmo

Not that bad? He was humanity's only hope for survival!

Damien

What I don’t get is if you are going to set the apocalypse into motion why would you set someone on the path to stop it before it reaches fruition.

Kosmo

Well, it's how it’s always done in the movies, but that isn't the point!

Damien

Well, it wouldn’t have to be a problem if you didn’t overreact.

Kosmo

I overreacted, I overreacted?! I did not overreact. This is the Atlantis fiasco all over again!

Damien

Now that was just a mishap.

Kosmo

Why I put a drain plug on an Island I’ll never know.

Damien

See.

Kosmo

Well now the world is going to be destroyed and I’m going to have to start all over again.

Damien

Well this one only took you 6 days. How hard can it be? Or you could just, I don’t know, not bring on the end of the world.

Kosmo

Maybe you’re right. It’s only because I was so angry at you.

Damien

Well it was your fault.

Kosmo

My fault. My fault. You didn’t do much to save this relationship either, Buddy.

Damien

Just because I wrecked the chariot, set fire to the carpet, and lost all of our money in Vegas doesn’t warrant you starting the damn apocalypse!

Kosmo

Maybe I did overreact, but still you forgot to add that you cut the couch in half with a CHAINSAW!

Damien

Oh boo hoo. You cut one little couch in half with a chainsaw and you become public enemy number one. Not like I wasn't already but still.

Kosmo

It’s not that you did all of that, It’s that you lied about it and blamed my Son! He was trapped him the pits of anguish for an entire week!

Damien

Yeah (pause) about that.

Kosmo

You did let him out, didn’t you?

Damien

Of course I did. Like I’d forget something like that. (shifty eyes) I never knew that my actions were so hurtful to you.

Kosmo

We really should talk more.

Damien

That would probably be a good idea. Remember what happened with Abraham and Isaac.

Kosmo

Oh don’t remind me.

Damien

So no more apocalypse?

Kosmo  

(thinking aloud) Maybe I could retry Dinosaurs this time.

Damien

You have got to be kidding me. (lights dim stage left, light raise stage right.)

Jason

(Jason wakes up) Wh-what? Where am I?

Mark

You’re at the dentist, Jason.

Jason

Did we do it?

Mark

Did we do what?

Jason

Did we save the world?

Mark

Yeah. He is going to be just fine. (lights dim stage right, lights raise stage left.)

Damien

YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!

Kosmo

I’m an idiot! What about our trip to Chicago! Look how that ended! *mumbles* ...and they call me a flamer.

Damien

Well I planned it as a great road trip to get away with you for a few days, but (sarcastically) it started off with a Bang in San Francisco and just went down the tubes from there.

Kosmo

(looks longingly at Damien) But what about when we went for a moonlight swim in the North Atlantic?

Damien

That really was a Titanic mistake, (softer) and so would this whole Armageddon idea. If you go ahead with it for no reason people will think that you have lost your mind! Aren’t I the evil one? Do you really think that someone of your position should make a rash decision such as this?

Kosmo

Maybe you're right. But then again...

Damien

Oh come on! I thought that you were smarter than this.

Kosmo

I am smart. I created all that is! I actually kind of enjoy the whole Creation process. It gives me a chance to let my imagination run away with me. I suppose it's quite like your knack for interior design.

Damien

So you went through all that trouble to create this beautiful masterpiece just to rip apart the canvas? That doesn’t seem like a very sensitive thing to do. Where is the Kosmo that I fell in love with?

Kosmo

No, Damien. You’re right.

Damien

Damn straight I’m right.

Kosmo

Fine, no apocalypse.

Damien

Splendid. Care to go get some lunch?

Kosmo

Sure, but let’s go to my place. Your place is always so hot.

Damien

Hmmm. I wonder why.

Kosmo

Well I should erase his memory before we go.

Damien

No, you should totally leave it be.

Kosmo

That is so evil.

Damien

It’s what I do. Plus it’s funnier this way.

(Exit Kosmo and Damien. Lights dim stage left.)

(Lights raise stage right.)

Dentist

So after the effects of the gas wear off he is going to be in a lot of pain. Make sure that he takes two of these every 12 hours. (Hands Mark a bottle of pills.)

Mark

Can do, Doc.

Dentist

Time to go, Jason.

Mark

Come on, Princess. Your Chariot awaits.

Jason

(slurred) But he crashed the chariot.

Mark

Don’t worry. I bought a new one.

Jason

Yay!! (Fade to black)

(Lights raise, Mark and Jason outside the dental office)

Mark

So are you finally over your loopy gas?

Jason

Yes. Ow. (holds jaw) Why did you make me do this?

Mark

Because I care.

Jason

You know, I had the weirdest dream while I was knocked out. I was talking to Santa Claus, and I think that he was decorating his house...

Mark

That is weird. So how are you feeling, Handsome?

Jason

How do you think I feel! You dragged me down here, ow, to get my tooth ripped out, ow, and you were going to make me a wonderful dinner also, ow, which I won’t be able to eat anyway.

Mark

Oh, you’re overreacting! It’s not like it is the end of the world.

(Lightning Crack, lights flash. Crash, bang, boom.)

Mark

What the Hell was that!

Kosmo

(voice from offstage) All right! That IS IT!

Jason

Speak of the Devil. (fade to black)